Do Men Respect Women?

Dear Dennis:



I wonder about this from time to time, but I figure that I need

an answer from an insightful man in order to get a truthful

answer on this:



Do men respect women in general? Do men pity women in general,

because of our vulnerabilities? Or do men have a certain

"hard-to-explain" admiration for women at times and pity other

times? What can a woman do to get and earn men's respect in most

cases? A lot of men speak in a condescending way towards and

about women. Can a woman have a lot of sex and still get a lot

of respect? Can a woman talk about having a lot of sex and still

get respect? Why do many women seem to never grow out of that

adolescent unsure-of-themselves phase, while men tend to realize

their strengths and utilize them to their benefit?



Okay, it's a lot of questions - but they all really center

around one general principle of respect.



It seems to me that

many women can't seem to get a grip on the power that they

possess, and forever see themselves as being in a position

whereby they have to compete and prove their worth - rather than

being in a position where they already understand their worth

and are just looking for a man who meets "their" standards. I

see that women constantly compromise, when they don't need to -

turn themselves into whores and fake bi-sexuals sometimes - just

to compete with ambitious attention whores.



What are your thoughts? ========================



Hello!



Yes, that IS a lot of questions! However, there is one simple

answer to them all: yes and no.



Some men respect all women and some don't respect any women at

all. Many women ("feminists" in particular) demand that all

women (as a group) are given respect whereas many male

chauvinists follow the policy of giving no woman respect

whatsoever. In fact, in every case these are all stupid and

ignorant philosophies!



I've done many interviews wherein the interviewer (most often a

feminist herself) accused me of not "respecting women"; usually

because they read some small part of my book or an article that

they don't like.



My response is this: "You're right!" In fact, I

don't respect "women". I also don't respect politicians or dog

trainers or Christian fundamentalists or boy scouts or school

teachers or those in the military or computer programmers or any

other particular group of people. I only respect individuals;

and then, only based on what they say and do. Indeed, there are

many women that I have absolutely no respect for, and some of

these have even earned my disdain. On the other hand, there are

many women that have earned my highest respect.



I would never presume to speak for every man out there, but

according to my own research, and the huge number of letters I

get everyday from readers, I believe that in general, most men

feel very good about women. Is this "respect"? I can't say

specifically, but I think there has to be at least some respect

involved in order to have these kinds of positive feelings. If

men are guilty of any respect-based crimes, I think it's giving

away too much respect too soon, but in fact, this isn't a huge,

rampant problem and most men learn to deal with this early on.



On the other hand, men view women very *differently* than

themselves. That difference in view doesn't mean that they don't

respect women (or that they do either!), it's just "different".

For example, I'm sure that you know many women that also view

men differently than themselves. There's a reason why most women

prefer a man that's taller - it's because they view these men as

able to protect and even nurture them. This is a natural, inborn

need for these women in order to feel love. On the other hand,

they don't feel the same way about women that are taller than

themselves however.



Is that "respect"? Not really. It's just a different way of

feeling about the opposite gender. Respect may be involved, but

it's not the foundation of how they feel.



In my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II" I talk

pretty heavily about these gender differences and specifically

how they affect our relationships with each other. I want both

men and women to learn to play into these differences for their

own advantages. What you call "power" I simply call natural

advantage, and I believe that each of us possesses different

sets of these advantages in different measure.



That's a good

thing - especially when we learn to use them to improve our

lives and even the lives of others around us.



It's because of these differences however that I can't

specifically answer your questions! For instance, "Can a woman

that has lots of sex still be respected?" That's impossible to

answer generally. For me, yes, she can earn my respect since the

amount of sex she has had has no bearing on how I respect her.

In fact, I think that someone that is highly sexually mature can

be very respectable! What's more important to our very beings

than our sexuality? I don't know of any particular attribute

that is more foundational than our sexuality.



Thus, someone that

has worked hard to build theirs in a healthy way is someone that

is likely to earn my respect. Likewise, someone that has avoided

building and understanding their own sexuality is someone that

is likely to NOT get my respect!



Other men however see this either as a threat or view it

negatively for some other belief. They might very well not give

respect for this. Is that "wrong"? To me it is, but that's just

one opinion. They feel it's perfectly right to believe as they

do.



What I advise people is to create their own yardsticks based on

their own beliefs, desires, experiences and philosophies and to

be clear about them.



There's nothing wrong with adopting a

particular belief system that someone else creates as long as

they know WHY they believe as they do. Simply adopting something

to fill in a gap isn't a respectable action. Knowing why someone

believes in something and how it affects that individual - and

adopting it because it fits well their own belief system - is.



Then, when situations come along, they can simply apply that

against their own yardsticks and see how they fit. If they fit

well, then this person might (based on many other factors) be

worthy of their respect.



If not, they may choose to no respect

that individual.



Best regards...