First Impressions Count - But How Can Men and Women Make the Most of Them?

We all have our own opinion on first impressions... but one thing is for sure; they count.



Even if that first impression is not very good it can sometimes surprise us later; we might find that we are intrigued by that person (even more than we might have been) when we talk to them and they turn out to be nothing like what we first thought they were: which can be a complete turn on. Of course, there is always the other side of the coin when the first impression is too good...



In this day and age, where women and men are on an equal footing in so many ways, it is now time for first impressions to make a difference; time for women to feel that it is okay to make the first move; to test the ground, to see if that first impression was right on.



.. or right off the mark.



As a man, I have to say that approaching women has become a bore, and a chore; something I am loathe to do for two reasons: one, I don't want to always be the one to make the effort, to put myself up for rejection, to struggle to make stilted conversation; and two, I feel sorry for women in some way, especially the hot ones, who have to deal with sleazy chat up lines and stupid comments all day long - not that I am totally averse to it in the right situation, but most of the time, it is boring - for me, and for them - I become a predator by the simple fact that I approach, she becomes a wallflower by being there, looking hot.



We have come to a crossroads, a point where women should be able to make the move too, a time in societies ill-fated history where the systems of yesteryear should be replaced by the reality of today, where a man can look good and be confident enough to allow a woman to approach him without it being viewed as female aggression; where his manliness is not threatened by a woman's direct approach; where she is not viewed as 'easy' if she makes the first move; where the first impression is not the wrong impression.



Women should understand that sometimes the 'good men' don't want to come across as the 'sleazy guy' - they would rather let there be an organic process at hand, they would sometimes like to be sure that the woman is interested too, they don't mind if she talks to him first; in fact, most of the time they like it.



It is okay for women to learn to invite a man to approach them; sometimes that can be done with a glance or a smile, or even a short stare; this gives the man the opportunity to 'make a move' without having to 'cold call' a situation that only makes it a 'cheap shot'.



If this doesn't work, then it is acceptable for a woman to take it a little further, perhaps find something on him that will give her an excuse to approach, to make a move, to build his confidence; it may be his glasses, a tattoo, his shirt, something that she can make an 'idle' comment about that gives him a chance to continue the conversation, that starts the process in an easy, not a sleazy, way.



Believe it or not, it is attractive to a man when a woman is confident enough to make her motives clear, to be direct, yet seductive all at once.



It builds his self esteem and lets him be himself immediately, which in turn allows a woman to make a far more informed decision on the guy - if he acts like an imbecile, then she has saved herself time, she has not had to endure the 'contrived' version because she allowed him to let his guard down and so she met the relaxed and real person in an instant; her 'surprise attack' could work wonders; it gives her instant gratification, or nullification.



However, it is important for a woman to know that she must then let off the reins a little once the situation begins to flow, she must not then start pushing too hard or act too keen; she has done her job and from now on it is a man's world; remember that men like to hunt and so once we have seen the 'prey', once we have been alerted to the opportunity of the chase we want to give chase, we want to feel like we earned our reward, that we fought for something worthwhile; one night stands happen for a reason, it is a respect thing on one level, if it is too easy it means nothing, it degrades the situation for us; we like a challenge.



.. but we do not want drama, we want a fair fight, we want to know where the boundaries are and we want to know that we are not being lured into something that is worthless or empty. It is important that the game playing is on the up and up...



And there we have it, a short sharp lesson in first impressions; I am simply encouraging you all to see the value in allowing a realistic breakdown of the facts, in seeing the value in a woman's ability to 'open the gate' and a man's reluctance to be seen as 'just another' predator.



Many men are learning to make the effort to appeal as much as women do; now is the time to appreciate that effort and allow men to step back a little, be cool and still reap the benefits. Gone are the days when women should ask "where have all the good men gone?" - the good men are here, they are looking for confident women who are prepared to make it clear that they are available, and are brave enough to let the 'good men' know it.



It's time to be realistic about first impressions, to let them flow a little easier so it can work both ways if we want it to.



Guy Blews