Women, Why Are We Presumed Difficult?

Women are critical to the development, growth and influence of individuals, especially other females. There is a definite value of the female. Why do women find it difficult to relate to one another? Difficult means something is hard to deal with, understand, manage and overcome. Are we so difficult with one another because the things that we find hard to understand about other women, exists in ourselves? Could we fail to see our own reflection in other women? Is this true only regarding other women or are we hard to deal with, understand, manage or overcome? The lack of understanding ourselves or unwillingness to seek our true self makes it difficult to understand other women.



Seeking Answers



While at a women's conference, after a seminar on "How to deal with difficult people" an interesting conversation emerged. A group of random women, my colleagues and I had the opportunity to dialogue about "What is the most important reason women (other females) are so difficult to get along with"? The instructions given at the beginning of the dialogue was to only provide one reason per participant. The results were overwhelming from the majority of women who responded "Women are too emotional".



A few of the other women had answers that reflected a variety of different reasons and many of them were related to self-defeating behaviors. The responses were that women are: very negative, jealous, greedy, and angry, have vanity issues, gossip too much, not trustworthy, liars and so on...



Are women too emotional?



The majority of the female participants in our dialogue cited that women are "too emotional". That was interesting. Emotions are our state of feelings and the word emotional suggests that we are dominated by our feelings.



Yes, in many cases we can be. Our feelings are important because they allow us to love, trust, care, nurture, support, guide, develop, influence and the list can go on. Daily we are learning about new things that affect our lives in different ways. I can bear witness to being emotional or too emotional at times, depending on the situation.



The level of other women's development and what they are going through is not always apparent to the many women who judge. Emotional reactions by women can be attributed to many things such as not really knowing how to cope or handle situations and hormonal changes in the body.



We all have heard other women make comments relating to the difficulty of women. "I do not get along with women". This statement is collective and implies all women. "I like to hang out with men or have more men friends than women". That is collective. "Women are a trip"! That is collective. "I do not know why but women do not like me". That is collective. These collective negative phases produce a collective negative behavior from us towards other women. When we speak about women collectively, we act as if we are not included or a part of the group of women.



Why the article?



This article is designed to share my experiences; teachings and create some dialogue. The article is based on the responses I received from the dialogue as well as reflect on some of the common phases made about women by females. This topic is one that could go on forever because women have so many attributes, characteristics, skills, perspectives and viewpoints.



Who can truly measure how emotional a woman can be at a particular time?



Why judge? To be able to do that would require that we know ourselves to such a degree that our judgment is not bias or tainted.



Some things hit us and hurt us deeply, some things are difficult to comprehend as well as move through. Many times our emotions can be out of control and we are unaware of the behavior. We need the help from other women that are emotionally intelligent, who understand the condition and can help or remind another female to breathe, calm down, let it go or take a break. The ability to handle our feelings and controversies take knowledge (obtained from experiences, teachings, practices) and training.



Cycles of abuse



As a victim of the cycle of abuse by women, I know for a fact that there are reasons why some women get certain treatment for us. I remember believing that all women were a certain way and that they could not be trusted. This was not a true assessment. Awareness is key! Once I became aware of who I was, and was able to reflect on what happen to me, I could properly place things in the appropriate perspective.



As I examined myself, I know that understanding self is a key requirement to self-improvement.



If there are impediments that I can see within myself, I find it hard not to understand the reflection of myself in other women.



Past Reflections



I know that situations, circumstances, issues and events that have shaped our lives can still be traumatic and still haunt us today. This treatment should not be excused, condoned or believed to be acceptable behavior. As a former product of the cycle of abuse, I recognize that this type of abuse produces a negative training in some women toward all women.



Women who treat us bad have been treated badly by others. Many times women, who are intentionally mean to us, do not truly know us and never have taken the time to get to know us. It is hard not to take the behavior personal but it is not personal.



There are women who continue to condemn all women for the wrongs by some. Limitations and boundaries must be set, by us (those who understand the condition), in order not to become a victim of the abuse again. For whatever reason, we cannot compromise ourselves to excuse mistreatment for the sake of being loved, for the sake of being a part of a group, for the sake of being in a relationship or any other reason.



These things are designed to destroy our spirits, steal our energy and are enemies of our potential. When we know better, we must demand better, better treatment.



Crucial Conversations



Tough conversations are normally avoided because of how poorly some of us handle and face them. Dialogue is so important to bringing healing, clarity and insight to difficult situations, if it is done respectfully. Communicating about what happen to me with my colleagues and friends allowed me to understand that the crimes of some should not condemn all women.



The presumed difficulty that many of us believe is apparent in other women is apparent in all of us. Crucial dialogues are critical to the enrichment and advancement of our lives because they open us up for change. Women's issues are important and should not be sugar-coated because they affect our attitudes and behavior. These conversations about us, our experiences, and our learning can help shape the lives of other women. The conversations must be performed in safe, productive environments and supportive atmospheres where individuals are respectful, actively listening, communicating, allowing feedback and are willing to participate in their own learning.